


Do you love me?

by winterwisdom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 01:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterwisdom/pseuds/winterwisdom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is attacked by a Djinn and has to find out that what he wishes for most isn't a relationship Lisa anymore. <br/>'Last time it had took a while until Dean had figured out that something was wrong. ‘When I picture myself happy, it’s with you.’ He had said to Lisa years ago. The Djinn attacked and all of the sudden Dean found himself sitting on a park bench, facing a playground.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you love me?

Last time it had took a while until Dean had figured out that something was wrong.

‘When I picture myself happy, it’s with you.’ He had said to Lisa years ago.

The Djinn attacked and all of the sudden Dean found himself sitting on a park bench, facing a playground.

“Dean?” A familiar voice asked and the hunter turned to look at whoever had said his name.

“Cas?” Dean stared at the angel, who was sat on a bench right next to his own, his elbows on his knees, head tilted to the side as he looked at him.

“Dean, there is something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Castiel said, in his usual serious tone of voice, straightening his spine and turning to get a better look at Dean.

The children were still laughing and playing, and Dean was sitting and staring at Cas, with an unsettling premonition fighting to get his attention.

The Djinn – he had managed to overwhelm him and now… now Dean was sitting here with his angel, who had an announcement to make. Unfortunately said angel took his silence as an encouragement to go on, and in a hesitant, low voice he said, “Dean, I think I’m in love with you.”

Dean froze. His mind split into three fractions: one was disbelieving – _this_ was what he desired most?! The Djinn must have made some kind of mistake! –, the other was yelling ‘Don’t listen to him, it’s just a delusion, don’t you dare listen to that son of a bitch!’ and the last, well, the last was a familiar one – in a velvet voice it told Dean to just accept it and stay, let his wishes come true and be happy, happy at last.

“I think it happened when I first touched your soul.” Illusion-Cas said and looked down at his hands, while Dean still stared at him in shock.

“Dean, please say something.”

Although the hunter knew that this was nothing but a cruel trick played on him by some creature whose ass he professionally kicked, this was still _Cas_ looking at him nervously, hope slowly dying in his eyes. He knew it wasn’t the real Cas, but it was the Cas his mind had created, with all the little details he had secretly and unconsciously studied and memorised. And it was safe here. For once in his life his decisions wouldn’t have a terrible aftermath. He was free here. He was free to be honest, with himself and with Castiel.

“Cas.” He croaked, still staring into those blue eyes. “Are you, uh, sure?” It was a stupid thing to ask, since this was an illusion composed of his wishes and desires, but Dean felt like he had to make sure.

“Yes.” The angel said, eyes flickering to his hands and back to Dean’s. “I wouldn’t have told you unless I was certain of it.”

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Nothing would happen, no one would know. “Cas, I…” He opened his eyes again and a small genuine smile graced his lips. “I love you.”

He hadn’t said those three words ever since he had been five or six years old, yet it didn’t feel weird to say be saying them. It felt natural. It felt _right_.

 

“Dean?!” Sam asked, voice low and worried. “Dean, are you awake?”

Dean was lying on the floor in some Suburbian house, cut ropes around his wrists and Sam crouched down next to him. Last time it had been a filthy cellar – well, at least things were improving.

Everything ached as Sam pulled him to his feet, telling him that they had to leave quickly. When Dean looked around he could see the other victims. “What about them?” He asked.

“I’ll get them once you’re in the car.” Sam replied quickly, pulling Dean along as he made his way through the hallway.

“What, no, Sammy, we don’t leave behind civilians!” Dean tried to protest but he was already being shoved onto the street. Only when Sam had pushed him into the passenger seat did he realise that he was bleeding, a lot. Dean grimaced, “Sam, I can’t help you with the other guys. You have to call…” He hesitated, scared of even thinking the name.  
“Cas.” Sam finished his sentence, looking around nervously. “I know, but he won’t answer.”

“Lemme try.” Dean mumbled, pressing a hand against the wound just above his hipbone. “Cas,” He said, closing his eyes and doing his best not to think of the illusion. “Come on, man, we need your help, now move your angelic ass down here.”

“Hello, Dean.” Cas said and Sam sighed, muttering something about a ‘damn profound bond’.

Dean stared at him for what felt like an hour before saying, “Hey, Cas.” The illusion had been so vivid… And Castiel seemed to sense that there was something different. He stared back at Dean with his head tilted to the side, eyes narrowed a little.

Sam cleared his throat, “Uh guys, sorry to interrupt but we’ve got about seven civilians in a Djinn-induced coma inside.”

“Uh, yeah,” Dean said, “Cas, go inside and help Sam.” He commanded and waved his hand at the house, wincing in pain as his wound stung.

“Let me heal you first.” The angel said but Dean shook his head. Sam groaned and grabbed Cas by his arm, dragging him inside.

Dean sat, paralysed. Was he really in love with Cas? _Cas_ , nerdiest angel in the garrison? He sighed and let go of his wound to rub his eyes, smearing blood all over his face. Maybe he’d just bleed out before he had to fully face the realisation.

There really was a lot of blood on his hands and on his shirt… and on the seat. “Son of a—“ Dean cursed – how could Sam let him sully his baby?! He tried to stand up but failed, falling back into the passenger seat. “Crap.” He said unhappily and scooted to the very edge of the seat, sliding of it and elegantly landing on the ground. Fortunately it was in the middle of the night, otherwise passer-bys might have wondered why a bleeding man was cursing and sitting next to his (beautiful) car instead of crying for help.

Dean pressed his eyes shut in an attempt to push aside the pain but it didn’t work. At least he wasn’t bleeding onto the Impala anymore.

Despite the pain, images of his delusion – of Cas – kept invading Dean’s mind. The tilt of his head, the monotone of his voice, the words he had said…

 

“Dean!” Sam said and shook him by the shoulder. Dean groaned and cracked an eye open. He was in a motel room, Sam leaning over him, his expression worried. “Man, you passed out.”

Dean’s hand instantly reached for the gash on his stomach and found the wound sewed up. He closed his eyes again and sighed, “Thanks for patching me up,” He croaked, “How long was I out?”

“A few hours.” Sam said in a tired voice.

Dean opened his eyes again to take a look at him, “You look like crap.”

“Thanks, been up worrying about you all night.” Sam retorted and shot him his bitch glare.

“Well I’m awake now.” Dean tried to smirk. “Which means you can go to bed.”

The younger Winchester nodded, standing and stretching. “Cas should be back in a few minutes,” He said as he trudged over to his own bed. “He insisted on getting you pie so you’d get better soon.”

Dean swallowed hard. Cas. He would be here soon, and Dean was in love with him. He was out to get pie, and Dean was in love with him. He had been what the Djinn had used to lure him, and Dean was in love with him.

It was quite unbelievable. Dean was… well, he didn’t fall in love. He was heterosexual. He wasn’t angel-sexual (well, except for Anna – but she’d been in a [really attractive] female body). He couldn’t be in love with Cas. Cas was his best buddy – his only friend, to be honest. Cas was… _Cas_ – awkward, nerdy, “rusty” “people” “skills” Cas.

Perhaps it would have been easier to accept it if the chances of this turning into something good were the slightest bit realistic. Yet they weren’t. Dean was screwed. Completely and utterly screwed.

While Dean was close to clawing his eyes out Sam went to bed, mumbling something about the older Winchester getting some more rest.

Oh Sammy, always so worried. Although it was obvious who’d taught him that.

Yes, Dean was to blame for everything bad that happened to Sam. It had always been that way, even when their Dad had still been around.

Dean lay there for a while, pondering on all his mistakes and what the Djinn had forced him to realise; he slowly dozed off.

 

“Hello, Dean.” Cas said quietly, standing next to his bed with a huge pie in his hands. “I’m glad to see that you are awake.”  
“God dammit, Cas!” Dean cursed, sitting up and trying to calm down from having a minor heart attack. “ _Don’t_ do that!” It wasn’t easy to calm his breathing, however, when Cas was staring at him curiously as though he knew what the Djinn had done to him.

“My apologies.” Cas said, narrowing his eyes at Dean. “I brought you pie.” He said, just like offering another apology and put it down onto the table.

“Thanks.” Dean was almost squirming under the angel’s stare. Castiel knew – the hunter had no idea how, but he did. Yes, staring was kind of normal between the two of them but not like this; something was different.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t heal you.” The angel went on apolgising. “I forgot that I was cut off from heaven.” Dean just nodded.

“Dean.” Castiel said, stepping closer to the bed. “May I ask you something?”

Dean stiffened – son of a bitch really did know! What was he supposed to do now?! “Uh, sure.” Dean mumbled, watching Cas cautiously as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I hope this won’t make you feel uncomfortable,” The angel began and Dean already knew that it would make him more than uncomfortable. “But while your brother was getting the medical kit from the car I heard you say something in your sleep.” Cas eyes were glued to his hands almost bashfully.

Dean knew he should have said something, but he just couldn’t. He sat, frozen, staring at Castiel in horror.

“You said my name.” The angel continued in a low voice, and Dean hoped with all his heart that Sam was asleep already – because the only way this could get any more mortifying was having his brother listening. “And something else.”

For a moment Dean thought he would throw up. This was bad, really, really bad.

The most awkward silence of Dean’s life followed before Cas eventually lifted his gaze to meet the hunter’s eyes. “Dean, you said ‘I love you.’” He said it in his usual gravelly voice. Just like that. Like it wasn’t absolute torture. Like it wasn’t the end of Dean’s life.

For a long moment of staring and saying nothing Dean hoped that he would pass out again, but he didn’t.

Before the hunter could recover and stammer some kind of poor excuse, Cas asked, “Dean, do you love me?”

At some point in his life Dean had come to terms with being ripped apart by hellhounds, with being taken over by Michael, having his blood sucked out of him by Djinns, but this was the worst kind of torment he had yet come across.

Dean could not, for the life of him, say anything. His mouth was open, his eyes wide, his mind and body on fire.

“I apologise, I should have known that you wouldn’t want to answer that question.” The angel said in a tight voice. Dean just stared – when was the last time he had breathed? It felt like it had been hours. “I don’t know why I asked. Originally I wanted to apologise since it is my fault.”

“Wh—at?” Dean eventually asked, his voice sounding shrill and not at all like his own.

Cas, whose gaze had lowered again, looked back up at Dean. “I did something while you were unconscious.” His eyes flickered down to his hands and back to Dean, just like they had in the Djinn’s illusion.

“I hugged you.” Castiel admitted and after a long moment he continued, “I’m sorry, Dean, I remember what you taught me about the invasion of personal space but I felt compelled to do it.” Dean wasn’t sure but he thought to see the angel’s cheeks turn a shade darker. “And I thus made you say something you wouldn’t have said when conscious. I feel I must apologise for that.”

Dean took a deep, deep breath. “Why?” He asked, voice low and hoarse. “Why did you do it?”

Cas’ eyes met Dean’s once again. “Dean, I wondered if what you said was true because I wanted to know whether the feeling is mutual or not.” He said in a stern tone. “You cannot expect me to believe that you didn’t know that.”

“What?” Dean asked, breathlessly.

“Everyone knows, Dean.” Cas said, staring at him accusingly. “The whole garrison knows. Sam knows. Bobby knows. Ellen and Jo know.”

“Know… what?” Dean’s voice was barely above a whisper, earning an offended glare as reply.

Suddenly Cas pressed two fingers against the hunter’s forehead and they were sitting in the Impala. “My apologies.” He said for the hundredth time that day although this time it didn’t sound like he meant it, “I thought I would have to yell and as I didn’t want to wake Sam, I had to… ‘zap’ us some place else.”

Dean nodded slowly, downright confused. “Cas…”

“What?” The angel snapped, glare returning to cloud his eyes. “Are you planning to ask again? For this time, I will yell.”

The hunter closed his eyes and exhaled slowly before opening them again. “Cas, do you love me?”

“Yes, you ape!” Castiel yelled. “And everyone knows! So as you are the smartest human I have yet encountered, you can’t expect me to believe that you did not kn—“ Yet the angel was silenced by Dean’s lips being pressed against his fervently.

They remained like that for a while, both sitting in the backseat, Dean’s hand clasping Castiel’s neck, holding him close.

Eventually the hunter pulled back. “To answer your question,” He said with a sheepish smile, “Yes, I love you, Cas.”


End file.
